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 When
I was younger, I started a graphic design business. I knew very little about
starting up a business and even less about how to effectively market it. One
thing led to another and it wasn't long before I had to close the business. For
a long time, I perceived this as a failure and let it hold me back.
Then one day, I was watching a friend with her baby daughter. The little girl
was just beginning to walk. She fell down almost as many times as she took
steps, but she kept at it. You could see the determination and joy in her face
each time she took another small step. Occasionally tears accompanied a hard
fall, but once they dried she was pulling herself up and trying again.
What I loved most about watching this child was that she had no fear of failing.
Unfortunately, as we get older we learn that failure is a bad thing. In a
society that values success, failure becomes something we fear. And yet, we
cannot avoid failure. It's a fact of life that we will stumble and fall on our
butts. What really matters is what we do next. Here are a few ideas you might
consider if you face a failure:
Think of a previous time you felt you failed and remember what you did to
recover.
Sometimes our past is our best friend. It can remind us that we have survived
difficult times before and moved on. Recognizing that
our past failures were transitory, makes it's easier to believe that this time
too will pass.
Write down the positive things you've learned about what happened.
This is one way to reframe what may feel like a catastrophe. It helps you avoid
getting caught up in the paralyzing effect of failure and focus on what you can
learn from the situation. Try not to make this a list of all the mistakes you
made, but instead list all the things you've discovered from the experience. For
example, you might ask yourself the following questions: What did I learn about
myself and how might this experience help me in the future? Ask yourself what
you fear about the failure.
Write your fears down on paper or tell someone about them.
By putting the fear outside you and verbalizing it, you take away its punch.
It's like going through a dark scary house and turning on the lights. Suddenly,
what looked like a monster becomes just a chair full of clothes.
Focus on your strengths and use them to help you at this time.
Make a list of your strengths and ask which ones you can use to pull yourself
back to your feet. To help you discover your strengths, consider taking the VIA
Strengths Inventory offered free at www.authentichappiness.com. Look at your top
ten strengths and see if any of these might help you. For example, when I'm
struggling with a failure, I use perseverance, courage and humor to help me get
going again.
In truth, even if you do all of the above, you'll still make mistakes and
stumble. It's part of process of growing. Sometimes the fall may hurt and you
may cry from the pain. If this happens, just like the little girl learning to
walk, you can pull yourself back up and try again.
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