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Sex Funny Quotes
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Sex is nature, and I believe
in going along with nature.
-- Marilyn Monroe |
You know that look women get
when they want sex? Me neither!
-- Drew Carey |
Sex is a two-way treat.
-- Franklin P Jones |
It isn`t premarital sex if
you have no intention of getting married.
-- Drew Carey |
When I came here, I couldn't
speak a word of English, but my sex life was perfect. Now my English is
perfect but my sex life is rubbish.
-- Julio Iglesias |
Humans are the only animal
who can have sex over the phone.
-- Dave Letterman |
Sex is the best high. It's
better than any drug. I want to die making love because it feels so good.
-- Bai Ling |
Men who tell you they read
the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.
-- Rita Rudner |
I think I mentioned to Bob [Geldof]
I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included
four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie.
-- Sting |
Ducking for apples - change
one letter and it's the story of my life.
-- Dorothy Parker |
Don't have sex man. It leads
to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
-- Steve Martin |
Sex is like bridge: If you
don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
-- Charles Pierce |
Conversation like television
set on honeymoon...unnecessary.
-- Peter Sellers (as Mr Wang in Murder by Death, 1976) |
A girl's legs are her best
friends, but the best of friends must part.
-- Redd Foxx (from Comedy Album - Huffin and Puffin) |
I admit, I have a tremendous
sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-- Phyllis Diller |
Sex is better than
talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
-- Woody Allen (Hollywood Ending, 2002) |
The last time I was inside a
woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
-- Woody Allen (Crimes and Misdemeanors, 1989) |
I think people should be free
to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at
goats though.
-- Elton John |
Sex is more fun than cars but
cars refuel quicker than men.
-- Germaine Greer |
Women need a reason to have
sex, men just need a place.
-- Billy Crystal (City Slickers, 1991) |
He had ambitions, at one
time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
-- Les Dawson |
Sex is the most beautiful
thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.
-- Barry Humphries |
I blame my mother for my poor
sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman
underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
-- Joan Rivers |
If sex is such a natural
phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?
-- Bette Midler |
Continental people have sex
lives; the English have hot-water bottles.
-- George Mikes (How To Be An Alien, 1946) |
The closest I ever came to a
menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.
-- Rita Rudner |
I'll come and make love to
you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.
-- Tallulah Bankhead |
I practice safe sex - I use
an airbag.
-- Garry Shandling |
As a lover, I'm about as
impressive as a magician on the radio.
-- Scott Roeben |
Sex is like art. Most of it
is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.
-- Scott Roeben |
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