Oh aye...my Father would
thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and
shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that?
'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???'
-- Billy Connolly |
Until I was 13, I thought my
name was 'Shut Up.'
-- Joe Namath |
Human beings are the only
creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
-- Bill Cosby |
Having a baby changes the way
you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold
the baby and I can go out.
-- Matthew Broderick |
Mum comes in and says `I'm
working out,' and she'll just be standing there naked doing a dance.
-- Kelly Osbourne |
My Father had a
profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
-- Spike Milligan |
My father told me all about
the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I
was twenty-one.
-- Bob Hope |
My mother never saw the irony
in calling me a son-of-a bitch.
-- Jack Nicholson |
Parents are the last people
on earth who ought to have children.
-- Samuel Butler |
When I was a boy of fourteen,
my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man
had learned in seven years.
-- Josh Billings |
don't think my parents liked
me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
-- Woody Allen |
And my parents finally
realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent
out my room.
-- Woody Allen |
If your parents never had
children, chances are you won't either.
-- Dick Cavett |
I remember the time I
was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he
wanted more proof.
-- Rodney Dangerfield |
My mother had morning
sickness after I was born.
-- Rodney Dangerfield |
When I was born ... the
doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very
sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.
-- Rodney Dangerfield |
My father carries around the
picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
-- Rodney Dangerfield |
I could tell that my parents
hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
-- Rodney Dangerfield |
