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Marriage Funny Quotes
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Whenever you want to marry
someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.
-- Shelley Winters |
When an actor marries an
actress they both fight for the mirror.
-- Burt Reynolds |
Marriage works best for men
than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.
-- Gloria Steinem |
Why get married and make one
man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
-- Carrie Snow |
The Three Ages of Marriage:
Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV
during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
-- Unknown |
Always get married early in
the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole
day.
-- Mickey Rooney |
Inertia accounts for
two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
-- Woody Allen
(Hollywood Ending, 2002) |
In olden times, sacrifices
were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
-- Helen Rowland |
My husband and I didn't sign
a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
-- Roseanne Barr |
I think men who have a
pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and
bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner |
Getting married is very much
like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when
you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
-- Anonymous |
If variety is the spice of
life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
-- Johnny Carson |
My wife and I were happy for
twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield |
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
-- Molly McGee |
I'm going to marry a
Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going
to the deli.
-- Michael J. Fox
(quoted in San Francisco Chronicle,
1988) |
I've had bad luck with both
my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
-- Patrick Murray |
It is a sad fact that 50
percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half
end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
-- Richard Jeni |
Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as
a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.
-- Bob Hope |
Marriage is really tough
because you have to deal with feelings ... and lawyers.
-- Richard Pryor |
In many instances, marriage
vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us
part'.
-- Sam Ewing
(June 1994, National Enquirer) |
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