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Life Funny Quotes





To me, life is like the back nine in golf. Sometimes you play better on the back nine. You may not be stronger, but hopefully you're wiser. And if you keep most of your marbles intact, you can add a note of wisdom to the coming generation.
--
Clint Eastwood
If you rest, you rust.
--
Helen Hayes
I enjoy life. I think I'll enjoy death even more.
--
Cat Stevens
You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.
--
Flip Wilson
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
--
Andy Rooney
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
--
George Carlin (Sometimes a Little Brain Damage Can Help, 1984)
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
--
Paul Beatty
Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.
--
Shunryu Suzuki Roshi
I always wait for the Times each morning. I look at the obituary column and if I’m not in it, I go to work.
--
A. E. Matthews (quoted in Filmgoer's Book of Quotes, 1973)
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
--
Joey Adams
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
--
Janet Coleman
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
--
Oscar Wilde (Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892)
Home wasn't built in a day.
--
Jane Sherwood Ace
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
--
Jeff Marder
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
--
Will Rogers
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
--
Soren Aabye Kierkegaard
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
--
Lily Tomlin
I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.
--
Eddie Izzard
There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth. We are all crew.
--
Marshall McLuhan
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
--
John Lennon (from Beautiful Boy - 1980)


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