Always end the name of your
child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
-- Bill Cosby |
Everyone should have kids.
They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll
realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep
deprivation to break you.
-- Ray Romano |
Children really brighten up a
household - they never turn the lights off.
-- Ralph Bus |
Experts say you should never
hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling
festive?
-- Roseanne Barr |
I've got seven kids, the
three words you hear most around my house are: "Hello, goodbye, and I'm
pregnant.
-- Dean Martin |
To be a successful father
there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the
first two years.
-- Ernest Hemingway |
Kids. They're not easy. But
there has to be some penalty for
sex.
-- Bill Maher |
When children are doing
nothing, they are doing mischief.
-- Henry Fielding (Tom Jones, 1749) |
The trouble with children is
that they're not returnable.
-- Quentin Crisp |
There are only two things a
child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age.
-- Benjamin Spock |
I love children, especially
when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
-- Nancy Mitford |
We spend the first twelve
months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next
twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
-- Phyllis Diller |
Madam, there's no such thing
as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always
come out tender.
-- W.C. Fields |
The trouble with children is
that they are not returnable.
-- Fyodor Dostoyevski |
The first half of our life is
ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
-- Clarence Darrow |
Pretty much all the honest
truth telling there is in the world is done by children.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes |
You see, money's not
everything in life is it? but it keeps you in touch with your children...
-- Johnnie Casson |
A boy's story is the best
that is ever told.
-- Charles Dickens |
A scout troop consists of
twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed
like a kid.
-- Jack Benny |
Human beings are the only
creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
-- Bill Cosby |
